Waterworks

Hallu has never seen me crying. On the other hand.. the elderly relative in the house will shed tears at the drop of a hat. So she told me one day, " Mom, I've never seen you cry".
To which I said," Beta, sometimes I cry too".
That brings us to this post!

I had one of her friends come over for a playdate after her ballet class. The two girls were chatting in the car when Hallu told her, "My mother yells at me all the time". Ofcourse, I was mortified and really hurt. I let them discuss, pretending that I didn't hear them. Her friend said," my mom is really good, she never yells at me." Hallu again repeated," my mom yells at me all the time". Oof! That really hurt. And hurt bad. I immidiately started thinking about my behavior. Do I yell at her a lot? In her defense, I do yell at her sometimes and I know the other girl's mom yells too. So where did I go wrong? Am I not showing her that I love her? Am I being cold? Or do I simply yell too much? Almost involuntarily, I started to cry as I was driving. They moved on to next topic as I changed lanes!

That evening, I told my husband about the incident as the girls splashed in the tub. I started to cry. I left the bathroom.. my husband reassuring me that the girls love me a lot!

But I had to talk to my daughter to find out what I was doing wrong. And worse, was my yelling really bothering her?

That night as I was putting her to bed, I brought it up. I told her I heard them talk about it in the car. She looked up at me as tears welled up in my eyes. Hallu, seeing the tears, hugged me tightly and stated bawling hysterically. My husband came running into the room and saw us both hugging and crying. His expression -- WTF?

He hugged us both and we cried in a group hug for a few moments. Then I told her, "I'm sorry if I yell at you too much but sometimes when you don't listen to me, I get a little bit upset and then I yell at you." She said," I meant to tell R that my mom yells only sometimes... not all the times." I said, " Yes sweetie, it's okay. I love you very much".

Then she said," I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." That was over the top for me. The floodgate of restrained tears opened up, turning on the waterworks, cascade after cascade! My husband left the room in disgust and amusement over the girl talk.

Mother and Daughter hugged one another for a while. We bonded. We understood each other better. I knew her feelings and she had seen me cry.

Then she told me," How come you don't cry like me.. you have tears but no sound?" I started to laugh! She laughed too!

Happy Birthday Anish

Anish is two now. We're all smitten by her antics and her smarts.

She seems to be much more mature than Hallu at her age. And that's because she has an excellent role model in her big sis. I'm convinced of that. Case in point. She imitates her sister's language to the T. Like, "Xkimme ca I peas hawIT" (Excuse me, Can I please have it?). I would never been able to teach my little one to speak with such civility. And I know Hallu uses such language often so it has to be her. Anish is recalling "knock, knock jokes" She'll knock loudly on the door and say,"nop, nop, whoDere". You can imagine the reaction to people sitting around. She changes her clothes at the drop of her head! She can go through at least 4 to 5 pair of clothes and still be unclothed by the end of the day.

Her grandparents are godlike for her.. in part because she gets "persa or shakker" (prasad, mostly sugar crystals) when she's in their room. " Iwanna go to Ba, do jashikish" ( I want to go to grandma and do Jai Shree Krishna). She has a very uncanny way of getting your attention. She just yells ,"heeaaaalp". And loudly. Just about everyone rushes to her including Hallu. Of course, we've not realized that she's crying wolf. But to us her "heeaalp" never fails to get the desired attention.

Her true love is her sister, then daddy and then mommy in that order. She wakes up in the morning, first asking for her sister," where's Hawy", then," Daddy, Iwanna go daddy" and then she'll plant a sloppy one on my face screaming, "maaaaami, i wove you". At that mommy just wants to hold her for as long as she can. But the squirmy baby can't hold a hug for just a second.:-(
Her love for her sister is immense. And Hallu loves her even more. Sometimes when I get angry at Anish, Hallu tells me hastily, she was good." But, she was a good girl" she'll insist. Anish's love for her sister in demonstrated when we go to pick her up from school. On way to school, she will constantly ask me, "Hawy, Where's Hawy? Hawy skool?" When we get to the school, she'll get down and stand by the door and the very sight of her through the glass door will make her all excited and impatient. Once out, Anish will immediately want to hold "Hawy's" hands. "Hole hans, hole hans, HOLE HANS", she screams.

Lately, she's imitating me... One day she surprised me by saying, "oo magad, wa happen" (oh my god! What happened?) I burst out laughing and she did too. Then kept repeating it over and over again. Of course I had no video camera!

But don't get the slightest idea that sibling rivalry is nonexistent in our house. It's very much there. Anish will not hesitate to scratch Hallu's face when she doesn't get her way. We've taught Hallu to her her hand, palms facing outwards and say stop. So far it's working.

It's always tricky trying to explain to a four and a half year old why a two year old won't listen and doesn't understand. We've been telling Hallu that Anish doesn't understand things because she's a "toddler" ( it's how they refer to young children in their school). That when she was a "toddler" she had a hard time understanding things. Hallu has accepted that explanation.
But I always make Anish hug Hallu every time, every time she hits Hallu. No matter what. Since Anish won't understand what sorry means, we encourage her to make Hallu feel better by hugging her.

The hugging has prompted a flurry of cute endearments in my kids. Anish wins hands down on this one... "Mwaah" is when she give a flying kiss. She also plants sloppy wet kisses on our faces. She's a daddy's girl and the moment she see her dad through the door, she'll do a little dance and then rush to him and give him a sloppy "mwaah"

She can sing the entire songs. Sometimes we don't dare ask her to sing because if she starts, she won't stop singing. Barney's "I love you" is her favorite. Meanwhile Hallu can sing entire Wiggles or Doodlebops songs. Husband is thinking of getting her a Karaoke machine. I have to say, she can hold a tune! And this is not just mommy love speaking.

Anish is two now.. Sometimes I want her to be just that way and sometimes I really can't wait for her to grow up...Either way, I know it's unavoidable. She is going to grow up and she's going to take her time doing that.

At times, at night when both kids are asleep. I thank the good Lord above to keeping and eye on us as I lightly press the kids' tired feet!

Everyone needs a little push now and then...

I was speaking to a friend a couple days ago and he told me a story from his childhood.
His parents came from China and didn't speak much English. He was born here in the U.S. He recalled a tale from his childhood where had to recite the multiplication tables from 1 to 10, correctly. And if he didn't, he'd get no food. He said he was traumatized by that experience and would never ever do such a thing to his three boys. He then said he had no regrets/complaints against his parents. He loves them every bit as much as he would've ever loved even though some of their practices were questionable. He said they did what they knew best.

Parenting is really an imperfect science. You learn as you go. Something you think is good now may actually turn out to haunt your kids later.

Conversely, I felt my parents didn't push me enough... I had a pretty much free rein on what I wanted to do in life. They didn't *make me* study. By that I mean, sit down with me and spend hours on my studies like some of the other parents were doing with their kids. They encouraged me to speak up and loved me even if I made mistakes. I was the last among four and I guess they knew that kids turn out fine, even when left to themselves. ( I think I turned out OK).

But I wish they were a bit more involved in my life. I wish they had nudged me when they thought it might be a good opportunity to showcase my talents. At a meeting with the great Kalyanji Anandji, I was asked to sing and I refused to do so. My parent's didn't care either way. I wish they had coached me a bit about what an opportunity that could've/would've been. I don't regret that I didn't become a serious singer. I know, for a fact, that I would've been miserable as a playback singer. (Frankly, I don't think I'm that good). But I do wonder about what might have been had I belted my cords and had the duo liked what I had to offer.

I wish they had forced me to continue my dance training or forced me to learn a new language or continue skating or shown me the wisdom of learning and trying out new things.

I wish they had taken more interest in helping me with my Master's program. I wish I had more counselling and guidance about what to expect from school.

The one thing I could always count on was their support --- 100 percent in everything I did, right or wrong.

Bottom line,
Hindsight is 20/20.

Looking back I wish they pushed me. I really have no handle on the circumstances they were in during my growing years. Maybe there were other pressing events that took precedence. Maybe they pushed me the best they knew how. Maybe they did try their best to do what they thought was best for me. Maybe they did push me to do new things with no success

In fact, I know they did.

So even in my flawed perception of what they did and didn't do for me, I love my parents to death and I'm forever grateful to them for what they did for us.

Just like my friend, who felt traumatized by his parent's aggressiveness.

Mojo

I've lost my Mojo. I've lost the will to write. I'm having a writer's block. Whatever.

I have a head full of posts but no motivation to pen them, or rather type them out. I've tried in earnest but left many unfinished drafts sitting there.

Why have I lost it?
I'm not sure but I think it could be because I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy left to do anything these days. Caring for two kids, driving them around for their activities, keeping a running household and working are partly to blame. But I'm really beginning to wonder if my body is saying something to me. I'm not growing young and with no time to exercise. I think that's partly to blame. I've been asked by people to be "selfish", leave the kids with someone and go for a swim or a jog. It would help if those"selfish" people would come and look after my kids while I become "selfish". I don't like that word. I cannot be selfish when it comes to my family. And NEVER for my kids, no matter what!

Anyhow, Bottom line, I need to get some exercise, get blood in my veins and my Mojo back!

Meanwhile I have to say, Little One now speaks in full sentences, such as "daddy, wook and me!" Or "Xkimme ( excuse me) , Can I have cheeps(chips)" and then once she gets what she wants, she'll say, "thanks!"

Gudiya on the other hand is an Angel. She is very well behaved and ever so helpful. She loves her sister and will do just about anything for her. She says her excuse mes and please whenever she has to. She finishes her meals ... Oh! I can go on and on... (((KALA TIKA, right here.)))

Having gushed about my girls, I have to say, they do have their moments. When Gudiya wants something, either I spend a half hour explaining why she can't have it or she'll drive you nuts till you give it to her.
Little One on the other hand is going through temper tantrums ... the kind I've never dealt with. She is also a VERY picky eater.

She turns 2 in a couple of weeks. I can't believe how time flies!

Busy Bee

Yup, that's me!

With Gudiya, it was so easy that we decided to have another baby. And have to say , there are days I'm swamped and often second guessing our decision. We had a few illnesses in the house. The kids, husband, MIL and me -all of us had the bug. A lot of stress related to health and the temper tantrums of a 2 year old. Little One turns two in a couple of months and we think the terrible twos set in quicker in her case. BTW, she's already wearing 3T and is three quarters Gudiya's size.
She speaks a lot too. She will tell you a story with, "Once upon a time there was a boy" and then it's "The End".
She can communicate everything very, very well. "Water, I want water" and then she'll point to the yellow cup saying,"ye-wow". Everything starts with,"I want..." She clearly says when she wants to sleep. "I tired, I want Kos (pacifier)". We are very proud of her.
I just need some strength and energy to deal with her tantrums.
Our next challenge, getting rid of the pacifier which she takes only during nap times. And then to potty training. But that will have to wait till I'm a little less stressed.

The undersea world

Gudiya's flavor of the month is Ariel Mermaid. She's her hero. Gudiya wants to have a flipper like her, She wants to be the mermaid and swim in, as she puts it, "the undersea world". She gets these once in a while. There was a time, she was into Barney, then it was Wiggles, then the Doodle bops, Sleeping beauty, Little Einsteins, Blue's Clues, Imagination Movers etc. etc. Now it's the mermaid! She wants to be her, red hair and all. Which brings me to an embarrassing picture she drew of her favorite idol.

It was a stick figurine, complete with a coconut bra, flippers and fins! She draws one picture of her practically EVERYDAY! In one picture she drew something that looked like a crooked square down below. Aghast, I gently asked her what it was, starting at the top, with the flower in the hair, and making my way down. She said it was the mermaid's underwear, like the one kids wear on the beach. She showed me one in a children's clothing catalogue. A two piece swim suit!!! I laughed and told her the shape of the underwear is triangle. To which she burst out laughing at her own folly. "And I drew a square, hahaha! That's pretty funny".

Phew!!

You know, being a mermaid wouldn't be such a bad idea after all, she would have more "undersea world" to explore than perhaps the land!

Will post her artwork soon.

Swingset

So we got a new swing set in the backyard. The men dropped the equipment on Saturday. They came the next day, bright and early to install it. It was drizzling. As they put it together, which they did in less than 4 hours, it started to pour. In any case, the hardy men put it up.
The kids were like little puppies.. staring out of the window to see all the activity. Eventually I put up their little chairs by the window. They had their breakfast right there. They were so excited.

What would've taken us a couple of days to put up, the men did it in just a few hours for $300 bucks. I say the money was well spent. Unfortunately, it rained that entire week. For the kids it was like putting them in front of a giant ice cream with beautiful sprinkles but not letting them touch it. I tried to take them whenever there was let up in the rain but the ground was too soggy to really have fun. I was worried about the kids slipping on the ladder to the slide and the slide, well suffice it to say, it was wet and had to be wiped down with a beach towel.

Here's hoping for the good weather.